so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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