i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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