May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
