yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
