i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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