Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
