I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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