i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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