so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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