I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Randomize
