scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
