My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His hands were made for my vagina.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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