i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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