I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
