We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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