even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
