feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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