I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
