Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
