I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I need to calm my uterus...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
