I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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