I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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