You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
