just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
