Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
