i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
