Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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