it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
