i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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