which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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