I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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