how can u be prego again
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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