I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
