I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
