The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
what day is it and did you see me today?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
