There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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