My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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