it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
