so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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