i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
