Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
