break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can text with my tongue
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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