I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
