Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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