just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
