Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
