swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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