im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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