Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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