I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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