I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
