i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
