the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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