Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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