it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
