90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
