He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
