Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
