so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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