my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
we should paint friendship bongs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
