I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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