We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
