forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
