Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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