I hope mine doesn't look like that
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
we should paint friendship bongs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
