He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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