Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
