You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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