you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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