Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
