I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
