So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
