I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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