Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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