Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
