Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
