i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
