nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
