thus making me awesome and them whores
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
