butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
