I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize