; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
