She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
try to milk me bitch
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
