Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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