Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
