tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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