My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
