you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
