I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize