Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
