I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
