Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
