I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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