conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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