I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have demons in me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
