opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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