Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
