Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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